Understanding myself is messy

Lord God,

I've been upset about something for awhile
and I've prayed for clarity and wisdom.
I have not been able to figure out what to do or why something has happened.

You gave me clarity.
You sorted the mess with me.
I inquired of you,
I sought counsel,
and I opened myself up to the possibility 
that I was mistaken and defensive,
that my conclusions were incorrect.

You helped me humble myself.
You gave me insight.
You spoke.

I wonder how many times I miss what you're saying because I'm so sure that I'm right?
Instead of seeking wisdom and perspective,
I look for someone to agree with me.
I seek validation.
I seek vindication.
I see a mess even though you've drawn a clear path to knowing you better.

I am so proud.
I wonder at your willingness to forgive and direct me.
Thank you.
I am awed by your mercy and grace,
as well as your forgiveness
and your continued pursuit to use me.

Every time I learn something new about myself,
I learn something new about you.

I adore you.
In Jesus' humble and powerful name,

"When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things. For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known." (1 Corinthians 13:11-12)


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